I Found Myself

I Found Myself

Michelle Stephens

My sister wishes she was like Athena,
sprouted from Zeus's head in full armor dressed,
but I've no patience for the flawless
symmetry of goddesses or heroines 
who, through rain or fire, keep perfect hair.

And there's a nakedness of soul in this blue hour
when I'm the only one who can soothe the baby 
back to rest. In this bower of night there's courage 
to be one of those women with hearts 
not soured despite the knives. 

The earth sleeps and is full of forgiveness.
Soon morning will bloom and begin again
the singing of hymns between diaper changes,
writing verses in milk-stained blouses. 

I've sworn to trample serpents in innocent gardens
and keep the world's rancid breath 
from my children's faces. 

Let them have a mother who laughs when the dishes 
break, who prays the darkness into sacred 
shelter, who blesses hunger with buttered bread. 

In the heap of laundry to be folded, the last dish 
to be rinsed, and a lullaby at 3 a.m.,
I found myself. It is Sunday.

On the Lord's Day, 
let there be rosewater cake. 

---

Michelle Stephens
Poet

Michelle Stephens is an alumna of Fresno State University, where she majored in English Literature with a minor in Classical Studies. Her poems have been published in HAIS: a literary journal. She makes her home in the San Joaquin Valley of California with her husband and their son.

Photography by Pascal Debrunner