Christus, Objectum Amoris Mei
Christus, Objectum Amoris Mei
Spencer Barnhill
The object of my love I longed
As Saint Augustine in Milan,
I asked the world if it were so
To fill this hole within my soul:
I asked a blade of grass, a fern,
An apple tree, a balsam fir,
A bowl of oranges, a golden bough,
A pumpkin seed, a rusty plow,
A video screen, a drop of rain,
A Chanel bag, a Chevrolet,
A radio song, a picketing teen,
A coffee mug, a cup of lean,
A lustful act, a finer thing,
A solar eclipse, a diamond ring,
A bumblebee, a flitting jay,
A leaf in August, a tulip in May,
A chord of Bach, an ocean deep,
A gust of wind, a humble sheep,
An olive branch, a dove who cried:
“I once was born and soon will die!
You tie your love to temporal knots
Yet not the Fount whose blood has bought
And brought your soul from death to life
And filled that life with Being, rife
With faith and hope and love and joy
Through death upon the crux, la croix!
You seek the whole within the part!—”
And then the dove became a stark
And boundless burst of wondrous light
That silenced every word … too bright
To see, though pierced my soul and said:
“My child, I am your daily bread.
I know your tears, I know the wall
You’ve built to hide your endless hall
Of doubts and worries, pains and pride
That keep you anxious, worn and wide.
But though no peace nor aim is here,
My child, my love, know I am near.
I have not run away; my friend,
You have run from yourself to mend
What only I can fill and cleanse,
And cause to Be, and want, defend,
And love, not sentimentally
But from the depths of eternity.
The object of your love is I.
I am the object of your search.
I will mend the marrow of your mind,
And clothe you in the goodness of rebirth!”
Spencer Barnhill
Poet
Born and raised in Edmond, Oklahoma, Spencer is pursuing degrees in Finance and English at Oklahoma Baptist University. He is an aspiring writer who loves long-distance running, and will have poetry featured in SLAB and Outrageous Fortune. You can read more of his work www.becauseandtherefore.com
Photography by Shayan Rostami