What Happened

What Happened

Susan Cowger

for Bethany

New moons reappear Every month or year
memories sharp as that first silvery curl of light
waxing out of blackness another flare
the unthinkable brain tumor Flawlessly expunged a month later
the cleft breeds infection Full moon here it comes
the anniversary with splintery edges a larger circle
of skull taken and not replaced right away
as if skin alone affords sufficient cover over sanguineous operations
There’s no escape from retracing steps every careful footfall
it takes to get face-to-face with this now
terrible God and how I climbed onto the bench
next to him edging onto His lap and leaned
into the chest of Almighty and the pulse
of that heartbeat the twining
meander of a single note
an unchangeable key
a hail to me alone
a presence
that cannot be folded
or managed more like a smell a seasoning
seeping into and through
my being Every year
there it is
carried on my back like wings Constantly
I look over my shoulder
hoping to glimpse what
has happened
to me

---

Susan Cowger
Poet & Author

Susan lives in Washington State, and is the author of Slender Warble (2020, Poeima|Cascade).

Photography by Leandra Rieger