Motherhood Marginalia
Motherhood Marginalia
Nicole Rollender
When I ask my son / if he saw Christmas presents / in my room, he asks / do you mean presents
or presence / as in a phantom / as in a dead / person asking for prayers / to slide past heaven’s gate
this boy who needs glasses / for distance / how many times can / you cry for a son / who arrives
nine weeks early / who stops breathing / too many times / whose red hernia / shoves as a balloon
from his belly / crumped muscles / shells under mottled skin / when the other car / T-boned us
windshield shattering / ghost glass burrowing / our hair / skin & / memories / my son crying
for his chocolate / chip cookie / fallen in debris / I’m grateful / I took the hit / the brain injury
weak spine / the accident’s tells / on me five years on / twitches / lingering migraines / I’m not
free / but there are no faces / like his in any / country / there are no footprints / like his in any
new snow / on the path / leading to the church / the whir & hiss / of the air / like the night he
arrived / it felt like a disaster / his heart almost stopped / but this boy / his second sight / the gift
when he cried / because he didn’t / want the shark bathrobe / he wanted black / spirits’ dwelling
the place between / hunger & flowering / this is how you / learn to love / welcome this monsoon
I bled the whole / time / but he smiled / in sleep / bleated / lunar music / smells like snow &
cardamom / his eyes see / the woman behind / the woman / me, the metronome / of his breath
hesitating as a bird / before lifting in / raucous flight / his sleep-face / in late summer / when he
wakes / when he says / let’s stay as long as we can
Nicole Rollender
Poet & Founder
Nicole was a 2017 NJ Council on the Arts poetry fellow, and is the author of the poetry collection, Louder Than Everything You Love (Five Oaks Press), and four poetry chapbooks. She has won poetry prizes from Palette Poetry, Gigantic Sequins, CALYX Journal and Ruminate Magazine. Her work appears in Alaska Quarterly Review, Best New Poets, Ninth Letter, Puerto del Sol, Salt Hill Journal and West Branch, among many other journals. Nicole holds an MFA from the Pennsylvania State University. She’s also co-founder and CEO of Strand Writing Services. Visit her online: www.nicolemrollender.com.
Photography by Avonne Stalling