A Psalm of Lament
A Psalm of Lament
Bolouere K. Afenfia
Yahweh hear my cry
because my heart and mouth cannot speak.
I did not stray this time,
oh the heavens forbid.
But my LORD I sense an absence of light,
or am I too far from your presence?
My soul feels heavy with nothingness,
instead of praying I catch myself fainting.
“Keep praying” they say,
But what if praying feels like a distant memory?
“Pray again, God hears you“ they say,
but what if my prayer feels like talking to a stranger?
“Then sing of his praise and worship him” they say,
but what if I’ve lost all strength to sing?
“Indulge in praising him” they say,
but your praise is too heavy in my heart and on my lips
“Edify him in other tongues” they say,
but to be entirely truthful,
all the forms of worship that were once my friends
Are now merely acquaintances.
My LORD, are they blind?
Can’t they see that I was destitute?
El Shaddai, I’m worried
that the faith that could at one time
move mountains when I believe
might now be fickle as dust.
I’m worried that I have let the bitterness
Of this angry world
turn the heart of flesh you gave
back into the stone from whence it came.
Like a Russian nesting doll,
I have hidden myself within myself.
I fear that the mask I once wore
and the façade I once put up
can no longer hide the emptiness
that I feel inside,
Rabboni, many times I have “let go and let God”
But my trust fails me at times,
and just like the wind, my restless thoughts
whistle constantly in my ear
My Healer, hear my cry
and let your word permeate my heart.
As I seek your face, let me find you
so I can be fully known by you.
In the darkness I see your light,
search me oh God and like a fire,
let your light consume the darkness
that once sheltered me .
You will not let emptiness consume me.
You will not let loneliness be my comfort.
In the midst of the pain; when I’m lost and I languish,
In you alone LORD may I find clarity and peace.
As I let my pen glide,
I am reminded
that by your stripes I am healed
of the pain, hurt, and heaviness.
And once again
like an empty vessel,
I open myself to be filled
to the brim with your love.
Bolouere K. Afenfia
Poet & PhD Candidate
Bolouere is a student and research assistant living in Cyprus. She is currently pursuing her PhD in Educational Technologies at Eastern Mediterranean University . Ever since she was a little girl, she embraced writing poems as a form of expression .
Photography by Elijah O’Donnell